I am a musician

I found this fun site that makes it easy to create cool little songs. With this, my second song, I am now what I consider a full blown musician. (Click unmute to hear)

St. Croix - Day 2

Tiffany called the airport to find out whether our flight was cancelled and was told it was still scheduled. We checked out of the mart with Anne asking for and receiving the "Stuck-in-the-elevator discount" of ten dollars. Thumbs up, Miami Mart. I'm looking forward to our next evening together. While we were waiting for the shuttle to depart, Tiffany called home to check on her little ladies. She greeted them with an exuberant "Hi!" which our shuttle driver mistook as being directed at him. He responded with a "hello" and when Tiffany asked her girls with gusto "How are you?" the driver responded that he was fine, thank you. Then he made his way away from the bus and we all laughed.

We took the Shuttle Mart back to the Airport Mart where we intended to find a McDonald's Mart for breakfast since the Miami Mart restaurant was so incredibly priced. So we checked our bags and went through security yet again only to discover that the American Airlines terminal at Airport Mart offered the options of Au Bon Pain and Au Bon Pain as places to purchase food at stupefying prices. I think Au Bon Pain is French for "To The Great Pain." I feel confident in this assesment.

After boarding the plane to St. Croix, Anne and I watched "50 First Dates" on Tiffany's DVD player while Tiffany and Ryan probably made out or something. That reminds me of the time when Sasha drove us to the airport in SLC the day before and I will relate that story now: Anne was excited with the prospect that we would all be sitting near each other on the plane so that if we became bored with the conversation of one of us, we could merely turn to someone else and initiate a (hopefully) better conversation. Ryan referred to this as being "verbal swingers." Then we passed a sign that said "Road Closed" but the word "Road" was on a sticker that had been pasted to the sign. I wondered aloud why such a thing might have happened and the general consensus was that "Road" been misspelled on the sign originally and UDOT had created a sticker to fix it. That set me off on an imaginary dialog between the people involved in the misspelling fiasco: "You'd better order some more of those 'Road' stickers. JimBob is making signs again."

Back on the airplane, we rode it for somewhere in the vicinity of 2 hours and then arrived in St. Croix. When Tiffany called Gordon from Miami to tell him our flight information, he told her that he wouldn't be able to pick us up at the airport because the hurricane had blown trees and branches down all along the road that leads to his house on the hill. But with the use of his machete and an exceptional amount of diligence, Gordon managed to clear the road and make it to the airport to get us.

Erin models a coconut. Gordon enjoys.

He took us to the supermarket to pick up some essentials because a curfew was going into effect at 6:00 that night. The curfew was in place to prevent looting in the aftermath of the hurricane. We got a few things and then we were on our way to The Pink Fancy. The hurricane had done some damage to the hotel and there was no power. Furthermore, some kind of state of emergency had been declared and hotels were being urged to provide rooms to people displaced by the hurricane. This all added up to the four of us sharing a room. Anne and I got the air mattress.

The coconut is presented to a willing participant

The coconut makes another appearance, this time making bunny ears behind my head. Ridiculous.

Dinner that night was provided by the Pink Fancy - kind of a spontaneous pulling together of the community to take care of each other. It was lots of fun. Anne and I met Gordon's fiancée Erin for the first time. She is very nice and took great care of us. She was at the hotel helping to prepare a room for us while Gordon was getting us at the airport.

Anne does "The Robot" in fulfillment of her "Dare"

Playing cards in our shared room.

After dinner we went to our room and played Truth or Dare by gas lamp light. Playing this game as adults is somewhat not as intriguing as it was when I was a teenager. That lasted about 2 rounds and then we played cards. It was hot. I was reminded strongly of my time in the D.R. Gordon and Erin went home well after the curfew went into place. I was concerned for them because we weren't sure what would happen if they were stopped by the police. But they made it home without encountering anyone. We slept to the enchanting sound of stray roosters crowing into the warm tropical night, each successive rooster doing his best to ensure our understanding that his crow was superior to that of his predecessor.

St. Croix - Day 1

St. Croix

I went to St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands with my wife and Tiffany and her husband Ryan. Gordon lives there so we decided it would be great to visit with him there and let him show us his world.

Day 1

We left on Wednesday, Oct 15. This day turned out to coincide with hurricane Omar, which passed directly over St. Croix. After checking our luggage at the airport we received a frantic phone call from Haylee. The airline had called her and told her our flights had been cancelled due to the hurricane. We told her not to worry about it since we were at the airport and would figure it out. We were surprised the woman who checked our bags hadn't mentioned anything about our flights being cancelled. At security Anne and I learned that we had been given receipts for our luggage in lieu of boarding passes so we had to go back to the ticket counter to get boarding passes. We asked her about our cancelled flights and she told us that we would be staying the night in Dallas and we'd get flights throughout the next days that would put us in St. Croix on Friday. When we got to the gate we talked to the woman there about our cancelled flights. It's all a blur now, but in essence we talked to three people at two different airports before we came up with a satisfactory solution. The side-effect of all this was that we would have to claim and re-check our baggage at all stops on our way to St. Croix. This meant going through security at each stop as well. We flew from SLC to Dallas to Miami where we would spend the night hoping the hurricane would pass. When we arrived in Miami we were given discount vouchers to spend the night at Miami Mart. Let me say that again: Miami Mart. We figured we might be spending the night in aisle 14, next to the breakfast cereals and Slurpee dispenser. To our surprise, Miami Mart turned out to be a hotel rather than a convenience store. I didn't see even a hint of a fuel pump. We checked in and began the process of enjoying the "hospitality" of $3/bottle of water, non-complimentary internet access, non-complimentary local phone calls and non-complimentary continental breakfast. The breakfast menu listed a glass of OJ at $5. In Florida. We called a local pizza joint and ordered a pizza and some Key Lime pie and a few minutes later we got a call from the lobby telling us the pizza had arrived. Anne went down to pick it up and the rest of us waited. And waited. After about 30 minutes we decided something must be wrong and where the heck was our pizza? Ryan went in search of Anne and came back a few moments later with the surprising news that Anne was stuck in the elevator.

Anne is victorious over the subjugating elevator car

I ran to the elevator to find that Anne was inside the elevator and the doors were open about 1/2 inch. She was sitting down in the elevator car and eating a piece of pizza. She told me that the staff was working on resetting the elevator, that they had tried once before and failed. A few seconds later the elevator started moving up and I thought "Oh, no. What's happening now?" Then Anne came out of another elevator. It was like magic! We went back to the room to discover that we had been given cheesecake instead of key lime pie. So we called the pizza place again and they said they would bring two pieces of key lime pie. They never did. We watched the Weather Channel for news about the hurricane which had by then been upgraded to a Category 3. Then we went to bed. Note: Queen size beds at the Miami Mart aren't really queen size. They are full.

Pancakes (Episode 3)

Written and directed by Emma

My very first musical composition

You'll want to put these on before you listen

Clear out your playlist and make room for awesome. I just finished my first ever musical composition and I want to share it with my loyal fans. Download this and put your music player on repeat and you will never need to worry again about what to listen to next.

There is potential for blogging this under "Low Quality" but it took far too much of my time to be relegated to that hotspot. After listening, I think you will agree that I chose wisely by placing it here.

Greeting Card

Tonight I took my family out for fun times and good... times. I invited Mandi and her family to join us for awesome times, but she made up a quick lie and declined. She missed out on more than just outstanding company. After some errands we went out to dinner at Burger Supreme. I had the cheeseburger with fries. Then we went to Nickelcade which I have been told is for losers. Perhaps, but there is something about that hippety frog race game that keeps me going back for more. After we each shelled out a couple dollars in nickels and exchanged our hard earned tickets for trinkets of abiding value, we headed off to Coney's Frozen Custard with high hopes for a non-terrible daily flavor. I have a theory that Coney's saves their awful flavors for the weekend when they know people are going to come in anyway. If you are unaware of Coney's, here's the deal: They sell frozen custard and it is really good. Each day you have your choice of Chocolate, Vanilla or the flavor of the day. Some days they have awesome flavors like Dreamsicle or Lemon Chiffon and some days they have terrible flavors like Banana cream pie or Grodelated Walnut. Today's flavor was Caramel Cashew. I would have preferred raspberry or coconut cream but caramel cashew was acceptable. Inside the store we saw that their freezer had some strawberry cheesecake frozen custard from a few days before and we decided to purchase a quart of that instead of the caramel cashew. While Anne was paying for the custard, I filled my cup with water and a man came into

It's fortunate I had my cell phone so I could snap this shot

Coney's and was waiting behind Anne in line. When we sat down to eat the custard, I told Anne I thought the man in line was Orson Scott Card and she immediately got up and went over to him and asked him if he was. He acknowledged that he was indeed! I went over to talk to him for a moment and he said that I made his day by recognizing him. He was very kind and I tried to be courteous of his time by not gushing and telling him how much I love everything he's ever written. It was an exciting experience for me and I'm happy to have met him, even if it was briefly.

I'm the only one

This is a video of Emma eating breakfast. Isn't she adorable? Please focus on the dialog between Haylee and myself. Children are the best!

Spring Break 2008

On our way to Pagosa Springs we were attacked by this gigantic spider. It was a portent.

While in Pagosa, we dwelt in this architecturally ambiguous "house." The kids called it the mushroom.

I found this squirrel stealing bird food. He and I shared a good chuckle.

We shared the pool with the local swim team which meant that we got kicked out at different times each day for different lengths of time. Oh, also we were given a limited number of passes for pool use, which meant that when we got kicked out we couldn't come back later. Hospitality.

I swear there was a plague of geese. This pair had learned to honk some song by Patsy Cline. I can't recall the name of it. Weird!

Pagosa Springs, as everyone knows, is just plain famous for its hot mineral springs. Oh, excuse me - its hot, therapeutic, healing mineral springs. The look on my kids faces is indicative of how much they enjoyed the smell and the anticipation they felt at the prospect of bathing in the springs.

We went to Mesa Verde to view the cliff dwellings there. That's me in the red hat.

To exit the cliff dwelling area we used these wooden ladders.

We were allowed to climb down into this reconstructed kiva. That ladder was seriously about 8 feet tall.

The P (Part 1)

Thank you for calling Cineplex-Odeon/Plitt's Paramount Theater located at 61 East Center in Provo

My first job was in a theater in Provo called The Paramount. We affectionately referred to it as "The P." It was built as a playhouse and was later turned into a movie theater and so it had incredible character. It had a balcony, a stage, dressing rooms, catwalks, a basement, and trap doors. This building was fantastic. My duties included selling and taking tickets, selling concessions, cleaning, and preventing a grubby gypsy child from stealing candy. Paul worked there too, under the nom de plume "Bar." Though he wasn't an "official" employee that, say, "took home a paycheck," Paul worked for the sheer satisfaction of being inside the magnificent structure. And for free popcorn, admittance, and movie posters.

On Thursday nights it was often necessary to change the marquee after closing. We used a very wobbly ladder which was too short and required that another person be at the bottom to hold it steady and which also required the disregard for the strong warning encouraging users to "NEVER STAND ON THE TOP TWO RUNGS." Upstairs, beside the office, was a large room full of big plastic red letters. Most of them were useless having had their hooks broken off years before. Once while I was trying to come up with an ingenious way to spell "Empire of the Sun" (two times, one for each side of the marquee) with the abridged collection of available letters, I came upon a miniature letter-sign that said "IN COLOR" and I promptly incorporated it. The manager failed to see the humor and made me take it down.

I believe that The P truly imbued me with superhuman abilities. For instance, one time I had been talking to the ticket sales person and turned around to walk back to the concessions counter. The ticket salesman threw a broken crayon at my back and that very instant I turned around and in a split second I noticed the projectile coming toward me and grabbed it from the air.

Please, shed a tear with me now in remembrance of that noble structure which has since been torn down and turned into a parking lot.

Tune in next time for part 2 when Paul drinks straight from the soda fountain and I ingest a half pound of melted butter!

Update

Nacho Libre is my favorite movie. What do I know about roller derby? Coconuts do not reside on ocean floors. Sherri is slightly older than me. Ok, I updated.

Six or Seven generally unknown things about me - IN MULTIMEDIA!

1) It bugs me when people use the word "download" improperly. Download means to copy from a remote computer to a local computer. It is not synonymous with "install", "transfer", "copy", "eat", "defecate" or "pounce upon" and those who use it as such stink on toast.

2) Sometimes I say "stink on toast."

3) I'm not a bad singer. Take a listen to this and this as evidence. Furthermore, I've never had a lesson.

4) I do not get headaches. But I have had Scabies. If you think that's gross,

5) I watch porn (if you consider Flight of the Conchords pornographic). Visit this link if you think you have the stomach for it. (Hint: Not porn)

6) This is what I will look like when I am bald.



7) I'm pretty much the best person I know at Photoshop.

I tag Big Jason and Sasha.



You can read the post where I got tagged here.

Movie Night

If you are easily upset by the sight of blood then do not look at any blood while reading this blog entry. Caution: The previous statement. You have been warned.

One day Paul invited me to go see the film The Count of Monte Cristo at the dollar theater. He even offered to pay. Thanks Paul. The End. Except that it isn't. If that were the end then this story would be not dumb and I assure you that this story IS NOT DUMB. This story occurred on a Friday night. Friday nights at the dollar movie theater are circumnavigational in that you have to drive around the parking lot numerous times (if you are a dork-o-matic lazy good for nothing crybaby) in order to find a good parking spot (instead of just parking further away and walking - lamquen! exercise!). Apparently Paul is a dork-o-matic lazy good for nothing crybaby because rather than parking further away he decided to park his car in the parking lot of the rock climbing establishment next door taking special care to disregard the numerous (many) and threatening signs posted at 4 foot intervals stating that cars parked here by movie-going patrons would be towed. I pointed out that he stood a good chance of getting towed if he left his car there, for the signs had not gone unnoticed by myself. He assured me that he had seen the signs and was aware of the risk but felt that it was minor. I tried (honestly, Mandi, I TRIED) to convince him that this was a bad idea and that I certainly didn't mind walking 200 extra yards in order to park in the safety of the somewhere else. Paul would have none of it and proceeded to the ticket booth. This was the opening night of Count of Monte Cristo at the dollar theater and it being a college town, it was not surprising to note that the show had sold out. It was surprising however to hear Paul ask the ticket attendant for two tickets to A Walk to Remember, a heartwarming film starring the appropriately named Mandy Moore which had the only benefit of not being sold out. I thought Paul had lost his mind. I was certainly not interested in spending a lovely evening cuddling with the present company and crying into each other's shoulders. When I asked Paul what the devil was going on he told me to shut it off and walked purposefully toward the ticket taker who told us our film was being shown in theater 3. Paul walked directly and in the opposite direction toward theater 5 where The Count of Monte Cristo was showing and where another theater employee was stationed to check tickets and ensure that no one snuck into the show. Paul gladly showed him his ticket as he walked past him quickly into the theater and as I passed the sentryman I mumbled "I'm with him." Phew! We watched and enjoyed the movie from this point onward until it ended.

Afterward, we walked back to the car to discover that it had been booted. I looked at Paul's face and laughed and laughed until he finally admitted he was so not cool. The tow company employee who had placed the boot on the car approached us. Apparently he had been waiting in his car for us to show up. He explained that he would remove the boot after being paid a certain sum of money which neither Paul nor I had. Paul decided to call Mandi to have her come pick us up, but we didn't even have enough money for change for the pay phone, so Paul wandered around the still populated theater asking people for change. When he had accumulated enough money to place the call Mandi gratefully answered. She agreed to help, but either Paul didn't tell her to bring the checkbook or she didn't know where the checkbook was because we had to go back to Paul's house, get the checkbook and then come back to pay off the hatchet man. Mandi was unhappy about having to drive back to the theater again so I offered to drive back in my car so she could go back to bed (Yes, that's another thing. Mandi had been asleep in bed). As we drove back I tried to convince Paul that he should offer the fella a bribe, tell him he'd write a $40 check to hatchet man himself. Paul thought it would be funny but figured that it would be a bad idea since it is illegal to bribe people. oh. I kept encouraging him and explaining that bribery is not illegal until finally he agreed to give it a try. Paul tried (not very earnestly, in my opinion) to bribe tow-truck Sally, but failed. Thanks for the movie, Paul. Let's do it again soon.