True Story

Hello, I'm Joel. I have a shirt which features my favorite cartoon fellow: Homestar Runner.

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One day I decided to sell my hair. So I got it all gussied up and took a picture of me in it.

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Then I turned into this kitten which I named Sharky Malarky. This was not my day!

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I eventually turned back into me. Things were looking up. Then several small children invaded my home. I explained to them about the fine line between reading and dreading but, as children often do, they assumed I was making stuff up. The smirks on these children's faces were just waiting to be wiped off and with prejudice. I lined them up and badgered them (No photo available).

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That's when I got lost in the spooky woods. Why do these things always happen to me?

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A crow fluttered down into the roadside pile of corn. I swear he wanted me to punch him in the beak cause he would not shut up! And he flapped those wings until I wanted to cram them down his maw. Which I did. It was time for a break! How much longer would I have to put up with this Hobbledy-gobbledy? Not much, it turns out.

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I was sent to prison for my unkindness toward the crow. But they didn't give me a cell. They just left me in the prison yard overlooking The Strip. I know this sounds fishy.

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Then they gave me some Whoppers.

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I escaped unscathed and triumphant. No one can keep me down.

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Then I turned into this bunny which I named Eliza Maniza. Rats.